Are you doubting your ability to make a good choice, and worrying about the possible outcomes?
Are you questioning all of your past decisions, and coming up feeling incompetent?
I, too, was filled with self-doubt and worry, and I didn’t trust myself to make another move. After all, I had chosen to get married, and now I was getting a divorce. How could I have made such a huge mistake?
How does a strong, confident, capable person like you lose the ability to make decisions once their marriage or relationship has come to an end?
In the midst of the emotional upheaval of a break-up is a deep sense of failure. It feels like we screwed up one of life’s biggest decisions. We should have known better. And if we missed the red flags surrounding that major decision, we must have missed so many others between then and now.
Guilty as charged, and sentenced to a life of anxiety, fear and procrastination!
WAIT JUST A MINUTE! What about the many bright spots? What about all those decisions you made over the course of your life that worked out well? Where is that sharp, savvy ‘you’ that used to handle the decisions of daily life with ease?
Even if we look back on a decision and wish we’d chosen differently, that doesn’t mean we are incapable of making all decisions or that a part of us is broken.
We make many decisions, big and small, everyday. For example, we choose when to leave the house in order to be at work on time, what to make for dinner, or where to travel for a vacation. We do this without worry or self-judgement.
And if we don’t like a decision’s result, we simply learn from the experience and choose differently next time.
You CAN confidently make decisions. Here’s how in 3 simple steps:
1. Get quiet
Remember, you do know what’s best for you. You’ll uncover it by slowing down, taking deep breaths and turning down the volume of the voice in your head, otherwise known as your inner critic.
Notice all the judging, comparing, disapproving and worrying going on in there. Most of that jumble of thoughts is not true. Besides, all that yammering only creates chaos and fear. Send that inner critic off to Fiji!
2. Get centered
Shift your focus away from your head and drop down into your body. Take more slow, deep breaths. As you release them, let go of the tension in your jaw, neck, shoulders, chest, stomach – anywhere you feel tight.
Take another deep breath and be present in your body. As you continue to breath slowly and deeply, locate your body center near your solar plexus. This is called getting centered.
Stay connected to your center and use it as your guide.
3. Get clear
Now tune into your intuition (the part of you that just knows what feels comfortably right), and receive the subtle message that’s there. Ask your intuitive self:
What’s most important to you?
What would you do if you had no fear?
What is there to let go of?
A year from now, where do you want to be with this? What steps must you have taken to get there?
What does this wise part of you want you to know?
Check in with your center after each question to make sure your answers resonate (feel right) and that your inner critic hasn’t crept back in.
Follow these three body-centered steps to make any decision, and the path that is right for you will become clear. As you practice this process, your decision-making muscle will strengthen and your confidence will grow.
What did you notice as you went through these three steps? What did you experience? I’d love your feedback! Please share in the comment box below.